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| A Larger View |
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A Bi-Monthly Newsletter of the Inner Outer Partnership |
| Volume V Edition 5 |
September/October |
2000 |
Why Me? Why Them?
The counselor from the Alzheimers's Association said I had the right to ask: why me? My father is suffering from the disease and I'm the one who is called to handle medical, legal, financial and psychological matters along with any inevitable crisis that may arise. After I hung up I realized I bad never asked why me because I did not need to. It is a question I know the answer to so well it need not be asked. Why Me? Because I am part of a given family and I have a responsibility to its members.
Because I love my father and it comes with the territory of love. Protecting him -- or trying to -- When be needs protection and cannot do it for himself is integral to that love no matter whether I like it or not, whether it is convenient or not. Love is a covenant between ourselves and the object of our love, a tacit covenant but one that nevertheless says I shall be here when there is a need, you can count on me when the worst comes. Without that proviso it is a circumscribed love which would only imitate its nature.
We live in a world that allows us to ask why me and for some that is a needed question. But the question is a me-oriented and in many ways reflects (or is it betrays) the self-orientation of our culture even perhaps the foundation of our society. But isn't there more to anything than just ourselves? And if we hold on to the spiritual tenet that what happens to those we love happens to us, if we experience the corollary that there is therefore no separateness between those we love and ourselves, whether or not they like it, whether or not they are aware of it, then how we relate to our responsibility to be there, to support, to help, to stand with them is not as onerous as it may appear. It is not a superimposed duty, a chore, something we resign ourselves to. It is something we must do, something from our hearts, something we want to do, something that is as important as it would be for ourselves, for after all if we are not separate from them, then they are a part of us. And when that is so then the question is not why me but why them? Why my father? Why anyone? Why Alzheimer's?
Saying this does not mean that we shall presto become immune to the stresses inherent in such situations, but it does mean that buttressed by the strength of love, we shall somehow manage and cope regardless of tears and hurts. And even then as the echo of why them is heard within us, it becomes a gentle reminder whether experientially or intellectually that theirs is the heavier burden. We are only helping them to carry it.
Modern Confessions?
Court TV is beginning a new show "Confessions", a weekly 30 minute program featuring three 10-minute segments of po1ice videotapes of confessions to murder, and other violent crimes. Given that these tapes are part of the public record their use is entirely legal. But is it right?
Court TV whose ratings have dramatically sagged since its heyday of the 0. J. trial, has been looking for a hit, its equivalent of CBS's "Survivor" or of A&E's "Biography" and thinks it has found it with "Confessions". Although edited, the confessions are presented without commentary, no host, no narration, no explanations of the case, of how long the interrogation process took or of how the suspects were found. The show's producers however use split screen re-enactments and other such images. Although Court TV asserts the show is in keeping with its mission to shed light on the criminal justice system, its motives do leave room for doubt.
While these confessions are part of the public record, does it mean that the felons involved have no rights? Ought they not to be at least informed? Ought they not to be given a chance to explain, clarify, deny? Prisoner's rights may not be a popular line of thought, but as human beings they are to be treated as such. By being a society so attached to the idea of punishment and treating people like criminals to use an oft quoted cliche, we move that much further from rehabilitating them and ultimately helping ourselves.
There are also other issues, The New York Times in a recent editorial decried the idea of the show finding it regrettable that Court TV was willing to "sabotage its reputation for serious journalism". Further, what is troubling is that not only could such shows distort and skew information about criminality and the justice system, whereas journalism is to enlighten and safeguard, they thicken the shadow on the whole of our society, further blurring the difference between the real and the unreal, the important and the non, the trivial and the meaningful.
Who Is Me? The Personal Self or the True Self?
Who is the real me? Is it the everyday me we refer to as the personal self, or is it the higher self, a self that is sometimes far more elusive? I've been reflecting on this for some time but somehow it took a series of incidents to bring out what I knew from meditation but needed to confront more directly. The proverbial straw while the most insignificant of the incidents, was the one that made clear the distinction in no uncertain terms.
My life partner, Will, and I were hiking in Europe and before starting out decided to buy something for lunch. We went to a nearby bakery early the next morning not only to find day old ham sandwiches but that fresh ones would not be made for several hours. I really dislike ham and Will asked if I minded. Given the lack of alternatives I said yes. As Will paid, I opened one and saw that as they often do in Europe, not only was it ham but they'd buttered the bread instead of the mayonnaise I'm used to and prefer. And to make matters worse, there was no lettuce and no tomato. I then saw my personal self in full regalia. I became like a little child having a temper tantrum and said I wasn't going to eat "that" sandwich. Will was confused and asked what was I going to do. I answered I didn't need anything else and would survive on one of the apples we'd brought.
Will didn't contradict but continued to question me about what I was going to eat knowing that without regular meals, my blood sugar drops precipitously. But the personal self was center stage and I continued my temper tantrum and refused his suggestion that we check out the nearby supermarket. My reason was that we'd have to buy a whole loaf of bread we didn't need and neither did we want a whole jar of mayonnaise or a whole pack of lunch meat. Will then suggested that I could use half of the bread from the bakery store sandwich and just buy something besides ham to put on it. Suddenly I saw how ridiculous I was. So, we bought lunch meat and tomatoes and when lunch time came, I didn't mind the butter on the bread.
Later I couldn't help asking myself why I had acted in such a childish, self-centered way? Fortunately I don't often. Will had acted so non-judgmentally toward me. Had he not, I would have become more more invested in rejecting his suggestions. He didn't tell me I was being foolish. He just patiently kept my best interest in mind. Later as I considered the exchange I realized that the qualities he was demonstrating -- patience, concern, kindness, non-judgement -- were indeed qualities of the higher self, while my foray into self-centeredness that of the personal self, the self that thinks of itself first often at the expense of others. Having him relate to me in such a way did make me realize that sometimes the everyday me can still be front and center. That me, I need to bear in mind, parades as who I am but is no more an indication of the real self deep inside me than was my childish behavior. While I have to face that part of me, that does not make it a part of me I need to identify with. What I find hopeful though, is that I was fairly quickly afterwards able to see that my initial reaction was an example of the personal self and even see that in letting go of that unproductive attitude, a glimmer of the soul could shine through. And so it goes, a step forward, a stumble, and then a step forward
again. For me as for all, it is a process demanding patience - perhaps a very good thing given that to exercise that patience we must find its source, the soul.
Cinderella - Another View
One of our readers, a dancer, gave a new twist to the interpretation of an old story. We thought some of you would find it evocative.
As I watched The Royal Ballet dance Cinderella, I saw another story emerge. On the surface, Cinderella looks a terrible drudge, but from a deeper perspective she is like the
divine worker, the one who works for others. Like the repetitive tasks of housework, establishing a meditation routine or of any other means of contacting our higher self can be hard work, particularly when it is necessary to clean out the debris of our personal self so that the light of the higher self may enter.
The prince represents Cinderella's soul and his invitation to the ball indeed offers a larger view of life. The ugly stepsisters can go but she can't. Still when her fairy godmother comes disguised as a beggar woman she exercises compassion and gives her a
crust of bread. Sometimes the messages of the higher self come disguised and as we learn to heed them we can be transformed. Here in the ballet four dancers celebrate the transformation as if showing us new energies available to the personal self when that
occurs.
She wears white at the ball, and the airy pas-de-deux with with the prince evokes a new purified consciousness, something to aspire to. But she is not yet there. The clock strikes twelve and she runs off leaving a glass slipper behind. Is she leaving her connection to
higher consciousness, and returning to the everyday world? She may not yet be totally at one with her higher self but nevertheless has a glass slipper linking her with it. The slipper is a symbol for the foot reminding us that our Achille's heel is our spot of least resistance. Could it be we grow by mastering our weaknesses, and that this work really is "slippery"?
As the prince comes looking for her, Cinderella now has attracted her higher self. He allows anyone who desires it to try on the slipper, or symbolically to try to be at one with their higher self. But desire is not enough, it requires will to be able to receive and use the Soul's guidance. During the dance celebrating their wedding the prince often bears her aloft letting us know that when our personal self moves toward its higher counterpart our little self can't help but be uplifted and can then become a lighted house.
Seed Thought
For Man is joined spirit and body,
And therefore must serve as spirit and body.
Visible and Invisible, two worlds meet in Man;
T.S. Eliot, English Poet
Choruses from "the Rock"
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